Friday, June 02, 2006

the feeling of nothingness

i dun noe why..mood was just bad..
actually i do know why..
but i don't wanna admit it..
nothing to do with my friends at all..
jaspreet,it's really not u guys..so..ya...
**
does everyone go thru this depression stage where they think they're the center of the world and tt as long as they are sad,the world should be sad too? others don't have the tiniest right to smile and laugh around them..cause they are actually thinking of dying.. life has no meaning? why are they still typing an entry on thir blog when everything sucks and it would be better for them to stop life once and for all? then they think is it that bad? as it really isn't,life still goes on..as much pain one feels,it is possible to feel one million times the joy one day? is that what keeps them living..helping them thru the fucked up days they have to endure at this point of time? when they are at that stage,are they feeling angry? sad? or just nothing? just nothing.. it is scary to feel nothing as they don't give a shit about anything! their family members could just pass away and they feel nothing..as they think..so what? life already sucks to the max,nothing can make it worse.. that's nothingness.. they could fail and drop out of school,have no income and walk around with no money to eat. then they think so what? hungry so what? nothing matters,i may be hungry but i don't care. nothingness..
**
"IT" is a sensitive issue..it has always been..
but today,my temper flared like 8 times due to it..
tried to cover it up as i know i'm wrong to show it.
but i can't control it.
i'm sorry to those who actually witnessed it.
i walked a way as fast as i could already.. i'm sorry..
if i could control the feelings that flame at those seconds i would..
but at least i can control shutting my mouth before i start lashing out..
that's the least i could do..
sorry peepz..
**
yesterday passed my assessment..like..thank god..
and then did a small thing to let me regret.. i apologise to u too..but then it'll nvr reach you..
s'pore idol at mediacorp was fun..
i'm a jonathan fan..but i'm an even bigger fan of jonathan's brother's friend..
he is sooooooooo goodlooking!
eye-poppingly goodlooking!
jonathan's brother had the EXACT same face as him..it's was damn werid..
we could spot levin's brothers n sisters..or mabbe cousins..they have the same nose n mouth!! and levin looks like JR!!!!!



-trying to smile

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